Tuesday, November 19, 2013


The other day as I was hating my life, suffocating under the invisible weight of the 8 page paper I had to pump out in one night, I found myself in a quiet little corner of the library. Instead of being a place of fewer distractions however, it proved to not be the best place to focus. Besides the always entertaining pastime of people-watching, I found myself being begged, taunted, and enticed by all the leather spines on the shelves. 

In the grind of school, I’ve forgotten how much I enjoy being a scholar. How much I love the smell of old books, the classical music plugged into my ears, the pen tucked behind my ear, the weight in my arms as they’re laden with more books than I ever intended to pick up. I love the muted silence of the long crowded shelves, a haphazard masterpiece of color and texture and words, yearning to share their piece of the world’s mysteries. 

I love that even in the hushed quiet isolation, you feel connected—connected to a world of other students, of professors, of writers, of historians, of characters, of geniuses, of nobodies, of somebodies, and of tradition where time holds still and you stand united in the pursuit of learning.

What happened to learning for learning’s sake? What happened to opening a book of my choice, on the topic of my choice and just reading to read, to expand my knowledge, to understand something new? When did I allow learning to merely become skimming the surface, cramming knowledge for a test that will soon be forgotten, or biding my time and counting down the days till I’m through?

I want to love learning again. I need to love learning again. I want to LEARN...not just go to school. 

Friday, February 15, 2013

i am a RUNNER

i USED to be a RUNNER...
it's in my blood.
my dad is a marathoner, and my sister has followed in his footsteps with two under her belt and a third not too far away.
i've always dreamed of running those 26.2 miles too. someday.

as a kid, i used to get up at 5 am and go to the BYU indoor track with my dad and brothers. we'd pump out a few miles, run some stairs, and make it back before the sun rose to get ready for school. i loved it.
the other day i found my third grade journal. in nearly every entry i wrote what my mile time was in PE that day. i wrote about what place i took, what boys i was running with. there was a whole page devoted to the day i beat the fastest boy in the grade in sprints. i can still see that moment clear as day in my memory. it was pure victory. and i thrived on it.
i used to spend my springs and summers at the track. either practicing or racing in meets. i used to get butterflies in my stomach anytime i even came near the starting line... whether it was just myself practicing, or being timed in PE, or positioning to hear the gun before an actual race. that line represented a pure adrenaline rush to me.
i lived for it.

but i've lost it.
i've lost my love for running.
and it KILLS me.

because i hate that i don't feel worthy of that title anymore. i hate that my body doesn't show that title anymore. i hate that a worn pair of shoes by the back door doesn't represent that title anymore.

SO.. i have faced this new year DETERMINED to get that love back. and how am i going to do it?
i'm going to hit the pavement and run my guts out until i love it again. 
so i've been on a few runs lately. and i hate it.
i hate that i don't recognize the size and mushiness of my body. i hate that i start breathing way too heavy way too soon. i hate that when i go uphill my legs feel more and more like bricks with each step. i hate that it's hard.. i hate that i'm slow.i hate that i can't go very far. yet. i hate that i have to start at such a low point, a place i've never been before. i hate that i hate running now.

but i also love the feeling of my feet hitting the pavement. i love the way my mind closes out everything except the beat of the music. i love how my stride follows that beat. i love how my legs go numb but they somehow keep moving. i love when i go downhill and it feels like flying. i love the control it takes to not go rolling headfirst down the hill, containing your stride slower than your body wants to go. i love the coaches i can still hear in my head saying "push it, push it, push it." i love the mental battle raging between my body and mind. i love that my body is always stronger than my mind thinks it is. i love how my body is stronger than the pain it feels. i love the soreness and jello legs after a run. i love that at the end of every run, there is always something in me that has to push to the end...go faster, stride bigger, run harder. i love how it comes out of nowhere but is always there despite my body protesting. i love how everything is better after a run. i love how when other parts of my life seem to be out of control, i can always control my run. i love how it is therapeutic. i love that you can always get better. i love how my run is mine, just mine.

 i love running.
i WILL be a runner again.

i AM a runner.   

Monday, February 4, 2013

dear friends

Just thought I'd let you all know :)
Stay Tuned....

Sunday, August 7, 2011

you know you've graduated when...

so i know i've taken quite a lengthy leave of absence from the blogging world...but i'm happy to return!
you see..this two month disappearance has been as a result of my new quest of adjusting to the adult world... and i'm ashamed to say that blogging got pushed aside. but on my adventure so far..i have learned a few things. number one: i have actually graduated from high school. its taken many weeks for that piece of information to soak in..but i think i'm finally getting used to the idea. and better yet? i'm actually enjoying it!(well...most of it...)
so...in honor of my new discoveries..i've compiled a list to help the rest of you fellow class of 2011ians also accept that we actually did it :)


you find excitement in buying sheets, hangers, and garbage cans for your dorm room

you've forgotten what the term "sports conditioning" feels like

your summer hours are no longer spent reading AP summer work novels or writing essays

you work extra hours to SAVE your money...instead of spending it immediately

spending friday nights out with friends is no longer the most important thing in your life

amazon.com is your best friend for purchasing ridiculously overpriced textbooks

byu.edu (insert your school website here) replaces facebook as your "most visited" website

people start wanting to set you up with return missionaries (aahh! run for your lives! or at least your single life...)

and last but not least...

you drive by Provo High School with an expression of sheer joy on your face, sometimes even bursts of laughter, knowing you never have to go back there again.

blessed day :)

Monday, May 16, 2011

jilly pilly

dear jillian nicole russon:
so...i know this is a bit late...but that's what happens when your birthday lands the week of AP testing!
but better late than never :)

once upon a time...there was a blond and brunette. they had two little baby girls 8 months apart.
one little girl had a head full of curls and the other had GIGANTIC deep brown eyes.
these little girlies grew up a few blocks away...and were friends before they can remember.
they did everything together.

they played princesses, fairies, sang and danced to the Dixie Chicks, practiced make-up application and nail painting on each other...and dreamed of growing up and living next door to each other,
each with a handsome Mr. Right and a front porch swing.
time passed and they spent their summers at swim lessons, roller blading, and playing street hockey.
they built huts on grassy empty lots and jumped on the tramp till the sun set.
little miss brown eyes taught curly locks to ride a bike and bought her her first pair of flip-flops.
curly locks introduced brown eyes to the world of fairies and little brothers.
middle school began and they helped each other survive.
curly locks turned to sports and brown eyes began to dance.
not wanting to leave each other behind...little miss b taught curly locks a step or two (sashe...step...leap!)
and curly locks taught brown eyes to shoot a ball.
high school brought more craziness..more sports, more dance, new friends, and BOYS.
curly locks and little miss brown eyes grew apart...but not far.
they still met together for late night talks...or sometimes a drive.
brown eyes went to games and curly locks didn't miss a dance concert.
all of a sudden..they got all grown up.
curly locks looks at her beautiful best friend.
she loves her confidence...her signature silliness...and her strong testimony.

though we're going our separate ways jill...we'll never be far apart.
best buds forever :)
love you

Thursday, April 28, 2011

yep that's me!

alrighty....this is MUCH over due....but here goes :)

this weekend I discovered something about myself:

this is how it all began....
Saturday morning, Fano picks me up for our Prom day date.
The doorbell rings...I open the door...Fano hands me a pair of army fatigues.
The questions begin forming.
After I changed into my lovely new wardrobe of camo...I am escorted to Fano's garage.
The door opens and I am told to "choose your weapon"
yeah buddy.
Before me lies a table with every piece of ammo Bond himself could even hope for...
Let the air soft war begin!
We met up with the rest of our group and war it was!
Cameron...going over the rules in the beginning said this...
"boys...AND JENESSA...you're going to have to tone down the competitiveness"
well that just served as gas to my engine!
Needless to say...I lived up to my reputation...
Just call me Lara Croft ;)

Sunday, March 20, 2011

"what the creepy?"

Friday night...I'm sitting at home, being lazy, when Ashley and Ali decide to come rescue me. As I'm waiting for them to pick me up, I glance out my backdoor to see if they're here yet. Wait a second...there's people out there! I open the door saying, "What the creepy?" only to hear, "CRAP!" and see several boys take off into the bushes. Uh oh...I think I just caught someone asking me to Prom. AWKWARD.

But despite the embarrassment earlier...my date persevered and returned a few hours later to finish the job.
After several rings to the door bell..I found this:
Inside the "hart-socks" was this note:
 Hmmmm...the key?
oh wait..the BASKETBALL KEY!
Low and behold:
And right in the center of the key was THIS:
And what was inside the basketball?
A wee bit clever?
capital YES!